The Eight Things You Need to Perfectly Poach a Stupid Egg

Whipped cream isn't whipped cream at all unless it's been whipped with whips. Just as a poached egg isn't a poached egg unless it's been stolen from the woods in the dead of night! -Roald Dahl

The poached egg is an elusive culinary beast. At best it requires practice, patience and a few extra eggs, at worst it creates a swirling storm of lost whites and a bobbing, lonely overdone yolk.

Being a fan of poached eggs on any dish, any time of day, naturally I approached poaching an egg with gusto and confidence. I knew what I was looking for: a tight, glossy white, smooth and singular, with a hidden sunburst of custardy yolk that we, like good taste and courtesy, should assume exist within one another. I did my homework researching the different methodology and myth and settled on ye olde vinegar splash and whirlpool approach.

Egg in hand and water properly swirled, I cracked directly into the water. A panicky Jackson Pollack looking moment later I had neither a perfectly poached egg nor my dignity. I fished out the soggy and stringy mess and set it aside on a disappointed paper towel. Deep breath. Back to the books and interwebs.

With Stars in Their Eyes: An Evening at Alinea

The night was brisk but what else would you expect for Chicago in April. Despite the windy chill, I was determined to wear a dress and determined this would be the meal to end all meals. 

Setting the Scene

My girl A and I have built a beautiful friendship around the dinner table. Our first real meal together was at Amada in Philadelphia; dining at an Iron Chef restaurant for your first meal is really a high bar to set. She was a picky eater to be kind and I was an adventurous eater to be fair. We ordered the chef's menu to save both of us the task of interpreting the menu and a new friend's unknown palette. It was at the lamb meatballs that our eyes met. She'll be the first to tell you that that was a turning point that sent her bounding down the path to full on foodie. And I'll be the first to admit she's surpassed me in a spectacular way.

We were known for celebrating milestones at the job we co-worked together with gifts and things. At some point we became aware of Alinea and decided we would go someday to celebrate our [many] achievements. We would dine there as the celebratory pats on backs that we warranted (wanted?). That was two years ago. We've been plotting patiently ever since.